Friday, May 06, 2005

And then God Spoketh... he who shall tradeth Pokemon Cards Shall Suffer

There is so much I didn't know about the Bible until I went to Bible.com! For instance, the Bible is against Pokemon cards. I never knew that before. In fact, I didn't think they had Pokemon cards back then, but Bible.com says that they are evil, so they must be. There is seriously a list of things called "What Does The Bible Say About..." and one of the things is Pokemon. Also it says this about homosexuality:
Much of our society has embraced many perverted sexual practices that are considered in the Bible as abominations to God. Homosexuality is among the list of deviate or abnormal sexual practices however, there are many other practices that can be included as well. Pornography, pedophilia, prostitution, bestiality, oral sex, phone sex and computer virtual reality sex, just to name a few of them.

Do you remember the passage in which Saul commits the crime of virtual reality sex? If I remember correctly, it went like this:
And he was the Lord and God rained a fiery wrath upon the villagers who promoteth virtual reality sex upon His kingdom. Saul was punished by a thousand pins and needles of which the Lord commanded to be shot from the IBMeth computer screen. The Lord then flooded the kingdom with four days of rain. The rain washed away all the computer chips, semen and Kleenix brand tissues.

Also check out this interesting tidbit from Bible.com: The first war ever recorded was the war in heaven where Satan and his evil angels fought against God and his angels.  We know this war was won by God through Christ.
Which is interesting, seeing that Jesus was a Pacifist in every since of the word.

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