Oprah is 50! Yep, count em, 50 whole years of nobody questioning what the hell kind of name "oprah" is. She looks exactly the same as she did when she first got popular too. The same with Dick Clark, as Monet pointed out to me! That guy has GOT to be at least, like, 100 by now. But, alas, he looks exactly the fucking same too! I thought to myself, how can this be? It must be that the corporations have some type of youth machine to keep their beloved celebrities attractable to the public! So, I did a little research today and found out exactly how they look so young still. It turns out that there actually IS a machine that makes them younger! I was so lucky to find one of the rare photos of the machine, which I will post HERE. It's amazing what science can do nowa days!

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